Recently more and more individuals are opening up about their sexuality and gender identity. With that more and more questions are brought up in the world of dating. Dating can be tricky.  Knowing when to say that you are bisexual is even more complex.  Sometimes I have chosen to do that right away, others after a few dates. The response is never the same. I have been met with wide acceptance from some while others just say I am selfish or just don't want to dedicate to the gay lifestyle.  So, that being the case I wanted to share some of my past experiences. 
 
One point that I have heard repeatedly is how the world of bisexuality seems to affect the males’ way differently than females.  Several of my guy friends who have had homosexual experiences and relationships are often hesitant to, if at all, tell their female partner. If this was your situation, what would you share and when?  What must be shared?  What if it was only a kiss?  What if it wasn't anything long term? Is full disclosure really needed?  Is omission a lie? What if the guy really has no more interest in men and wants to have the traditional marriage? So often though people will say that men can't be bisexual, that they are just gay men who don't want to come out all the way.  There are times to the female partner isn't too receptive and the relationship ends shortly after any type of open dialogue about past sexual ventures. Very seldom though, if the female has had some bi experience she is more accepting. Most people don't want to lie in a relationship but when is honesty not the best policy? Does one's sexual trysts need to be fully disclosed?  It gets even more complicated when a bi male dates a gay male who has never had any heterosexual experience and can't relate at all.  Sometimes there is a mistrust that has no foundation or reason. There is something that drives a wedge between two people when one cannot relate to the others' desires. I have dated gay men that have never even kissed a girl. They will sometimes use that against me, like I am not as dedicated to the relationship since my past covers a wider spectrum.  I am now seeing that this is changing with the younger generation.  Younger people aren't so quick to be put or put others in a box. I have recently dated younger guys who don't even consider themselves bi as much as they just don't want a label but just want to love.  They don't even bring up pasts experiences but would rather just enjoy what is currently happening between us.  Personally, I am finding it easier to connect with other bisexual men or those who might consider themselves fluid.
 
Of course, this changes as we move on to the other sex.  On the flip of this is when a female has a bi experience others are quick to call it a phase.  Do you know a friend that maybe even had a girlfriend all through college but after got married to a man and lived happily ever after? I know several and yet nobody seems to have a problem with it.  There is very little accusation of her not being true to herself or just not wanting to commit to a certain lifestyle. Now I know a few friends that have never told their man about their bi life and really don't ever feel that it should be discussed being that they have agreed not to bring up each other’s sexual conquests.  
Where do we draw the line of what has to be told in a relationship?  I don't want to lie to my partner but unless something I've done in the past has any potential harm to them, should it really be a topic of conversation?  If you do want to be honest, when is the right time? How far do you let the relationship go before saying anything? How many people lie about the number of partners they have had?  Others will lie about how old they are when they had their first experience or who that was with. As more and more are living their truth, others will have to learn what that means to them and their potential partners.  How much of somebody’s past will you let really affect your relationship?  Would you carry on a long-term relationship with an openly bisexual partner? When would you want to know about their past?  What are some of your general standards for dating? Let us know.

I remember being a kid and getting so annoyed but a few simple words,"I remember when this song came out" It was most often said by my mom when she would hear a song that reminded her of her younger years.  I would often think; how do you remember a song so old. My mom is barely 20 years older than I am. Now looking back, when I was a teenager hearing her say this, she was only in her 30s. I mean hopefully she would remember. Now hear I am, just turned 40 and I have been saying this in my head for years. I will be honest, when I say it to myself, I do chuckle a bit.  One of the groups that always takes me back is Depeche Mode. I can hear an older song and be instantly transported to a time hanging out with friends and thinking, this is an awesome song, these guys are so cool. The group has basically been around my whole life, and in honesty, I really can't remember the first time I heard them. Even with that, they are a group that I have wanted to see, and I finally got to see them live.

I was lucky enough to get amazing seats at the sold-out show in Vegas. Before the show started I just sat there, looking around, thinking, I am going to see them! Depeche Mode is going to be on THAT stage. There was an old life that just came back to me.  I was in high school all over again. I was thinking of old friends that would have been so jealous to see them.  

Before Depeche Mode came on Warpaint wowed the crowd.  This all female group had the attention of everybody in the place.  I really enjoyed the rotation of the vocals.  There is something about a group that is cohesive, and they definitely are.  I was impressed on how each voice had a distinct sound yet when they sang together, the harmony was flawless. The set was just enough to tease you but not so long that you wanted them off stage.  

Once Depeche Mode took the stage there was not one person sitting down. The energy was insane. Starting the set with a song from the new album got everyone in tuned for an amazing show. Dave had spark and life from the get go. There was no warm up needed for this performer. His ability to glide and dance across the stage still have me in awe. From one song to the next the spirit was alive and well, not only with the group, but the audience as well. Hearing Never Let Me Down Again and Everything Counts were two of my highlights. Depeche Mode paid respect to the LGBT community in Walking in My Shoes with a great background video. Martin also gave a great performance in his performances as well.  His voice is one I could listen to repeatedly. There was an emotional cover of David Bowie's Heroes that really showed their respect for the late artist. DM ended the show with Personal Jesus with all the enthusiasm that they started with. Even as I was leaving the arena I was still in shock that I was able to witness one of my favorite bands live.  

Of course, afterwards I started telling myself to see more shows. There is nothing quite like watching a group that you have admired for so long do a live show. If you still have a chance to see them before the tour ends, DO IT!

Many times I get home from work in disbelief over some of the actions that my clients and the clients in the salon.  I want to give a few pointers so you do not become one those clients a stylist comes to resent.

We all know there can be traffic or other unforeseen circumstances on the way to your appointment. I even appreciate a call to say you're running late.  However, DO NOT show up complaining about traffic or your baby sitter showing up late when you have a NEW Starbucks in your hand!  If you're going to stop and get a coffee, call ahead and see if I would like a drink.  If you really want to earn points, call and get the whole salon staff a drink.

For the most part stylists don't mind if you call ahead to cancel or reschedule.  Not showing up without a call is a bit harsh.  Stylists often have other clients that they can fit in if you don't show up.  Imagine if you went to work and your boss told you go home for a few hours in the middle of the day without pay.  That is what it's like when clients fail to keep their appointments.

For many clients, their salon time is time away from their own children and is treasured as alone time.  Why would you think someone else would want to hear your kid fuss and cry?  Bringing your kid to a salon can often be one of the most inconsiderate things clients can do.  Another thing, the salon is not the place to bring your friends. I don't think I need to expand on that.

We are all addicted to our phones, I am, too.  When you are in the salon, try to have it on vibrate.  You might think that ringtone is real cute, but nobody else does.  If you must answer the phone make it quick or take it outside as long as it doesn't interrupt the service you are receiving.  If you do answer the phone, be conscious of your volume.  Remember, the salon is a getaway for many people and they enjoy the peace and quiet.

Stylists can create wonders with color and a good cut, but we have our limits, too.  If you bring in a picture of a look you want and your stylist says it's not possible for your hair, it probably isn't.  Remember, the pictures you often see of celebrities are photo shopped.  If your stylist says it might take a couple of hours and will cost more than your usual appointment, don't be shocked.  You have to expect to pay for something you ask for.

I'm not sure why, but so many clients feel the need to whip their head around every time the front door opens.  For the most part, salons will have a receptionist that will take care of whoever walked in.  There's nothing harder than trying to cut hair on a moving head.  I've had children sit still longer than some adults.  If your stylist has your head tilted or turned a certain way, you can guarantee it's for a reason.  You might not know the reason, but there's a method to the madness.

I know you might have your way of styling at home, but nothing is more off putting than a client grabbing the blow dryer and brush and finishing the styling.  If you aren't sure why the stylist is doing your hair a certain way, feel free to ask and they will be more than happy to give you styling tips and techniques.

Sometimes a client will want something different and it shocks them - I understand that.  But calling weeks later to say you need something changed is not ok.  I will gladly make changes and adjustments to your hair if you let me know within a few days.  One way to avoid miscommunication is to bring an image of the look you are going for.

The break room is the only solace a stylist has.  If your stylist has let you in the break room great, but trust, no other stylist wants you back there.  Just like you need a break when you're at work, stylists are no different.

I know there are more items to speak on but I'll just leave you with these here.  Remember everyone in the salon wants to leave feeling gorgeous and pampered, not like they need a Xanax.

With the recent suicide of Robin Williams many people have shared their feelings and opinions on suicide and things related.  I would like to take this time to share how suicide affected me and my family. Though I wrote this years ago, I still feel every word.

Several years ago my cousin committed suicide.  A few weeks later I wrote the following journal entry. It was the only way I could deal, I had to write it out.  Maybe this will help somebody out there.  If you are or have ever considered suicide, reach out PLEASE!  There are options - family, friends, and trained professionals.

It was Sunday night, the 15th of April, and I was with a friend watching a movie.  Around 11:30 I get a call from an aunt of mine who lives in Phoenix. Now, my aunt only calls me for holidays and what not.. and it was late, so I knew it had to be important.  I stepped out of the movies so I could take the call.

"Hello ....."

"Hey Eugene, this is your Aunt Alice.  I have been trying to get a hold of your mom and dad... Do you know where they are?"

"At this time of night, they are in bed for sure"

"Here, your uncle has something to tell you....."

"Hey Eugene."

"What's going on... what happened, is everything alright?" I knew something was up.  My grandparents are old, and I thought for sure that this was about them.

"Well, this is it.  Your cousin Paul David killed himself today" And I teared up instantly. "Your uncle found him in his bedroom just a little bit ago. I wanted to get a hold of your mom and let her know.  Can you tell her, as soon as you can get a hold of her?" My uncle Joe sounded so different; all his pain came through the phone and landed on me. "I have to go now and tell your aunt Linda." Well, my aunt Linda was Paul David's mom.  She was down in Phoenix working, but she lived about an hour and half away. "Your uncle Paul doesn't want the police to go and tell her at work. He thinks it would be best if I go and let her know. Once I tell her, I am going to drive her home."

"I'll tell my mom." I wanted to just drop. I haven't had anyone young die in my family before. The last family funeral was for my great grandmother. I stood there still shocked, not sure what to do or think. I told my friend I had to leave the movies, I just wanted to be home and feel safe.

I went home in a bit of a blur. I didn't even say much when I got home, I didn't want to say anything, and I didn't want to cry. I was afraid of letting myself feel anything quite yet.

I went to bed after trying unsuccessfully to get a hold of my mom.  I set my alarm for 7, which was when she wakes up for work, so I wanted to get a hold of her before she left. At 645, my aunt Alice called me. She asked if I had spoken to my mom, and I told her I hadn't. Then as we were talking, my mom was calling my aunt. She let me off the phone to speak with my mom. Minutes later my mom called me. I almost didn't answer it, cause I knew she would be crying and it hurts me so bad when my mom has to deal with any sort of pain. If you know me at all, you know how much I love my mom.

"Hey mom"

"Hey baby.... "And she started crying."I talked to Alice. She told me. I just called to let you know. I have to get ready for work.  Call your grandparents... they would love to hear your voice right now. I love you." And that was it.  I cried. The pain was such an awkward one. I called my grandparents. They didn't talk much, but told me thanks for calling.

The rest of Monday I can't remember.

Tues came and I found out the funeral would be on Thursday. I called some clients and rescheduled them. Didn't work on Wednesday. My brother and I left Riverside at 4am on Thursday. He drove. I slept. We talked a bit.... about how if the other really ever felt so bad, just to call the other.  It was about a 6 1/2 hr drive.

We arrived at my Uncle Paul's house. Him and my aunt Linda were so happy that we made the trip out to see them.  There were some cousins there that I hadn't seen for years. We were there for an hour then headed out to the funeral home. Walking through the door was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My cousin was only 17 yrs old, and so many of his high school friends were there. All these young kids having to feel so much pain. I went in and was greeted by so many family members.  All my cousins were there ... except one and her husband.  Even most of my second cousins were there.

I walked to the front with my mom and dad (they had gotten there on wed night). We looked at my cousin in his coffin. So peaceful, but yet we knew that there was no peace for him.  Something was so heavy for him that he could not live anymore.  What could cause a 17 hr old to say goodbye forever?

I sat down next to my aunt Linda... she just kept asking the same thing.... WHY?

I had no answers, but does anyone in these types of situations?

Apparently my cousin Paul David was very open about his emotions. He would say when he felt depressed. He would talk.  So for him to end his life was just out of place.

This was the first time I saw my grandparents cry. And it hurt so bad.

We left the funeral home to head out to the memorial service. There were over 500 people there, 200 of them were family members. There were supposed to be seats in the front for family, but what they didn't realize was that our family has too many in it.  My brother and I stood at the back. It was short. Paul David's two sisters spoke. Some versus were read. Then we headed to the graveside service. About 300 people were there for that. More cousins that I hadn't seen for years. Then we headed back to a local high school where a church put together a dinner for everyone; yes everyone. I ate.. talked to uncles and aunts... cousins... more cousins... more cousins.. more uncles and aunts.....

My mom, dad, brother and I were some of the last to leave.  We now had to drive about an hour to my grandparent's house. When we got there we ate some more.

Slept in the next day.  About 30 family members made their way over to have breakfast and hang out.  This was when I found out that my cousin had left a voicemail to his parents. He said his goodbyes to them and his sisters.

My brother and I stayed till about 2, and then we headed back to California. I slept most of the way home.  That was the only way I could deal with it.

Worked on Saturday for a bit... I cried some that night...

I have thought about it off and on... It hurts.

To think that this kid was so troubled to take his life.  It really makes me think about those around me... am I there for them? Do I make myself open to help them out?

Well today, April 29th, I thought about my cousin. I called my grandparents.  They were thankful for the call. My aunt and uncle have enrolled in a class to help with the grievance. My grandparents asked when I would be out to see them again. I am not sure when I can get back out there.  My uncle Paul has been hanging out with some of his brothers.  They are all taking turns doing something with him on a daily basis. How long with this go on? How long till things go back to normal… will they go back? Never.  Not  for any of us.  There will always be a gap in our hearts, a wound that won't heal.

Well folks, this is only a small part of how I feel about the situation.  I hope that my friends can rely on me when they are feeling so pained that they consider taking their life. Suicide kills one, but hurts many...

Why did Killarney’s close?

You may or may not know but I have had a second job for almost two years at a local pub.  It was a 3 night a week gig as a doorman. No, I am not going to tell you all the crazy things I have seen, that needs to be a book all its own.  What I want to talk about is why it closed.

Killarney’s was a local pub that had been here in town for over 7 years.  Over the last year, business had changed due to outside forces.  A decision was made to close the Riverside location.  Once that announcement was made official, we began seeing larger crowds.  People that had never been in before were stopping by for the first time, regulars now coming for both lunch and dinner. Others were stopping by to just see what the place just looked like.  One thing I kept hearing over and over was, "I wish they weren't closing.  Had I known business was slower, I would have been here all the time."  Well, that time for support had come and gone.  I wondered why they didn’t come anyhow while we were open.  How many people in the immediate area had never even been inside?  Where was the local support?

Yes, there are many factors that went into the pub closing, but at the end of the day, it was a business call decided on declining numbers.  We closed because we didn't have enough support.  Where is that support supposed to come from?  YOU!  I don't just mean for Killarney’s, I mean for the local businesses in your own area.  Places come and go all dependent on if they are getting enough business.

Are you supporting your local business?  Or do you always take the corporate route?  Think of this the next time you want a pint, a haircut or just some work done on your house.  Who is it that you are giving your money to?  I have some friends that are so into supporting local that they will only buy gas in the city they live in.  That is dedication.  I can't even say I am that hardcore, but I do make an effort daily to support my area.  If not in my immediate neighborhood, at least in my city.  Support local NOW, while they are open.  Don't wait for the last sale, or closing day to stop in.

I know this might sound weird at first, but think about it.  Have you ever gone out with somebody that you already knew and then halfway through the night you think to yourself, “Hey, is this a date?” 

I was at dinner with some friends the other night and my friend Jen tells a story of how during a night out with a friend she realized that it was supposed to be a date.  Her friend started pulling out her chair, trying to hold her hand and such.  At that point, she realized this isn't just two friends “hanging out”, this guy thinks this is a “date”.  Of course after she says this we all start laughing.  I asked her, “How did you not know it was a date?”  She explained that they had gone out for dinner before as friends so she thought nothing of it when he asked her out for dinner again.  She said she might have considered it a date when he asked her to wear something nice, but then thought, “Hey, who am I to think like that?”  After a good chuckle, I said out loud, “What makes it a date?”

When one person asks to go hang out with another, when does it cross into the dating realm?  Do both parties have to have an attraction to each other?   How do you know if you are attracted to the other without first spending time together and is that time together an actual date?  Is the venue what makes it official?  Burger King is just hanging out, but Olive Garden is a date?  How about the time?  So, if it’s after 6pm, then it's a date?  How about if it's a Friday or Saturday, that for sure means a date, right? 

I have often joked that time spent with certain friends over dinner is date night.   But what does that really mean?  Is a date just when you purposely take time to spend with one person with the sole intention of knowing each other a little more?  Does a date always have to have a sexual reference? 

It still makes me laugh a bit when I think of Jen saying that she “didn't know” she was on a date.  It also makes me think, how many times has somebody asked me out and I thought it was just as friends, but they had different intentions?  What do you think?  When do you feel like you are on a date?  What set of circumstances would make you cross that line in your mind?  Tell me, let me know.  I would love to hear from you.  Guys, girls, single or taken, I want to hear it all.