Eugene Does.
  • Home
  • Hair
  • Education
  • Life in a Blog
  • HNH Store
  • Contact

The Pain of Suicide

8/25/2014

8 Comments

 
With the recent suicide of Robin Williams many people have shared their feelings and opinions on suicide and things related.  I would like to take this time to share how suicide affected me and my family. Though I wrote this years ago, I still feel every word.

Several years ago my cousin committed suicide.  A few weeks later I wrote the following journal entry. It was the only way I could deal, I had to write it out.  Maybe this will help somebody out there.  If you are or have ever considered suicide, reach out PLEASE!  There are options - family, friends, and trained professionals.

It was Sunday night, the 15th of April, and I was with a friend watching a movie.  Around 11:30 I get a call from an aunt of mine who lives in Phoenix. Now, my aunt only calls me for holidays and what not.. and it was late, so I knew it had to be important.  I stepped out of the movies so I could take the call.

"Hello ....."

"Hey Eugene, this is your Aunt Alice.  I have been trying to get a hold of your mom and dad... Do you know where they are?"

"At this time of night, they are in bed for sure"

"Here, your uncle has something to tell you....."

"Hey Eugene."

"What's going on... what happened, is everything alright?" I knew something was up.  My grandparents are old, and I thought for sure that this was about them.

"Well, this is it.  Your cousin Paul David killed himself today" And I teared up instantly. "Your uncle found him in his bedroom just a little bit ago. I wanted to get a hold of your mom and let her know.  Can you tell her, as soon as you can get a hold of her?" My uncle Joe sounded so different; all his pain came through the phone and landed on me. "I have to go now and tell your aunt Linda." Well, my aunt Linda was Paul David's mom.  She was down in Phoenix working, but she lived about an hour and half away. "Your uncle Paul doesn't want the police to go and tell her at work. He thinks it would be best if I go and let her know. Once I tell her, I am going to drive her home."

"I'll tell my mom." I wanted to just drop. I haven't had anyone young die in my family before. The last family funeral was for my great grandmother. I stood there still shocked, not sure what to do or think. I told my friend I had to leave the movies, I just wanted to be home and feel safe.

I went home in a bit of a blur. I didn't even say much when I got home, I didn't want to say anything, and I didn't want to cry. I was afraid of letting myself feel anything quite yet.

I went to bed after trying unsuccessfully to get a hold of my mom.  I set my alarm for 7, which was when she wakes up for work, so I wanted to get a hold of her before she left. At 645, my aunt Alice called me. She asked if I had spoken to my mom, and I told her I hadn't. Then as we were talking, my mom was calling my aunt. She let me off the phone to speak with my mom. Minutes later my mom called me. I almost didn't answer it, cause I knew she would be crying and it hurts me so bad when my mom has to deal with any sort of pain. If you know me at all, you know how much I love my mom.

"Hey mom"

"Hey baby.... "And she started crying."I talked to Alice. She told me. I just called to let you know. I have to get ready for work.  Call your grandparents... they would love to hear your voice right now. I love you." And that was it.  I cried. The pain was such an awkward one. I called my grandparents. They didn't talk much, but told me thanks for calling.

The rest of Monday I can't remember.

Tues came and I found out the funeral would be on Thursday. I called some clients and rescheduled them. Didn't work on Wednesday. My brother and I left Riverside at 4am on Thursday. He drove. I slept. We talked a bit.... about how if the other really ever felt so bad, just to call the other.  It was about a 6 1/2 hr drive.

We arrived at my Uncle Paul's house. Him and my aunt Linda were so happy that we made the trip out to see them.  There were some cousins there that I hadn't seen for years. We were there for an hour then headed out to the funeral home. Walking through the door was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My cousin was only 17 yrs old, and so many of his high school friends were there. All these young kids having to feel so much pain. I went in and was greeted by so many family members.  All my cousins were there ... except one and her husband.  Even most of my second cousins were there.

I walked to the front with my mom and dad (they had gotten there on wed night). We looked at my cousin in his coffin. So peaceful, but yet we knew that there was no peace for him.  Something was so heavy for him that he could not live anymore.  What could cause a 17 hr old to say goodbye forever?

I sat down next to my aunt Linda... she just kept asking the same thing.... WHY?

I had no answers, but does anyone in these types of situations?

Apparently my cousin Paul David was very open about his emotions. He would say when he felt depressed. He would talk.  So for him to end his life was just out of place.

This was the first time I saw my grandparents cry. And it hurt so bad.

We left the funeral home to head out to the memorial service. There were over 500 people there, 200 of them were family members. There were supposed to be seats in the front for family, but what they didn't realize was that our family has too many in it.  My brother and I stood at the back. It was short. Paul David's two sisters spoke. Some versus were read. Then we headed to the graveside service. About 300 people were there for that. More cousins that I hadn't seen for years. Then we headed back to a local high school where a church put together a dinner for everyone; yes everyone. I ate.. talked to uncles and aunts... cousins... more cousins... more cousins.. more uncles and aunts.....

My mom, dad, brother and I were some of the last to leave.  We now had to drive about an hour to my grandparent's house. When we got there we ate some more.

Slept in the next day.  About 30 family members made their way over to have breakfast and hang out.  This was when I found out that my cousin had left a voicemail to his parents. He said his goodbyes to them and his sisters.

My brother and I stayed till about 2, and then we headed back to California. I slept most of the way home.  That was the only way I could deal with it.

Worked on Saturday for a bit... I cried some that night...

I have thought about it off and on... It hurts.

To think that this kid was so troubled to take his life.  It really makes me think about those around me... am I there for them? Do I make myself open to help them out?

Well today, April 29th, I thought about my cousin. I called my grandparents.  They were thankful for the call. My aunt and uncle have enrolled in a class to help with the grievance. My grandparents asked when I would be out to see them again. I am not sure when I can get back out there.  My uncle Paul has been hanging out with some of his brothers.  They are all taking turns doing something with him on a daily basis. How long with this go on? How long till things go back to normal… will they go back? Never.  Not  for any of us.  There will always be a gap in our hearts, a wound that won't heal.

Well folks, this is only a small part of how I feel about the situation.  I hope that my friends can rely on me when they are feeling so pained that they consider taking their life. Suicide kills one, but hurts many...
8 Comments

Did I Just Go On A Date?

2/6/2014

1 Comment

 

"Date Night"

Picture
I know this might sound weird at first, but think about it.  Have you ever gone out with somebody that you already knew and then halfway through the night you think to yourself, “Hey, is this a date?” 

I was at dinner with some friends the other night and my friend Jen tells a story of how during a night out with a friend she realized that it was supposed to be a date.  Her friend started pulling out her chair, trying to hold her hand and such.  At that point, she realized this isn't just two friends “hanging out”, this guy thinks this is a “date”.  Of course after she says this we all start laughing.  I asked her, “How did you not know it was a date?”  She explained that they had gone out for dinner before as friends so she thought nothing of it when he asked her out for dinner again.  She said she might have considered it a date when he asked her to wear something nice, but then thought, “Hey, who am I to think like that?”  After a good chuckle, I said out loud, “What makes it a date?”
Picture
When one person asks to go hang out with another, when does it cross into the dating realm?  Do both parties have to have an attraction to each other?   How do you know if you are attracted to the other without first spending time together and is that time together an actual date?  Is the venue what makes it official?  Burger King is just hanging out, but Olive Garden is a date?  How about the time?  So, if it’s after 6pm, then it's a date?  How about if it's a Friday or Saturday, that for sure means a date, right? 

I have often joked that time spent with certain friends over dinner is date night.   But what does that really mean?  Is a date just when you purposely take time to spend with one person with the sole intention of knowing each other a little more?  Does a date always have to have a sexual reference? 

It still makes me laugh a bit when I think of Jen saying that she “didn't know” she was on a date.  It also makes me think, how many times has somebody asked me out and I thought it was just as friends, but they had different intentions?  What do you think?  When do you feel like you are on a date?  What set of circumstances would make you cross that line in your mind?  Tell me, let me know.  I would love to hear from you.  Guys, girls, single or taken, I want to hear it all. 

1 Comment

    Archives

    June 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    May 2018
    January 2018
    October 2017
    December 2016
    November 2015
    January 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    Eugene Mejia.

    Blogger Extraordinaire.
    My Life.  My Journey.
    Living in the Real World.

    Whether it's a new hairstyle, runway fashion, a cutting edge "must-have" product, fitness & health talk or my favorite local eatery ~ you can read all about it here.

    Check back often for the latest hair, fashion, product and health advice.

    Categories

    All
    Balayage
    Bands
    Beach
    Beauty
    Bleach
    Blown Speaker Gospel
    Blue
    Clients
    Coarse Hair
    Conditioner
    Copaiba
    Curly Hair
    Dating
    Davines
    DDR Prime
    Donate
    DoTERRA
    Essential Oils
    Fitness
    Friends
    Hair
    Health
    Healthy Habits
    Highlights
    Ilo
    LLV
    Love
    Mask
    Music
    Nails
    Nightlife
    Oil
    Olaplex
    Oribe
    Photography
    Pro Advice
    R+Co
    Relationships
    Rest
    Sachajuan
    Serenity
    Shampoo
    Smooth Hair
    Straight Hair
    Support Local
    Tips & Tricks
    Treatments
    Vanilla
    Video
    Virago

    RSS Feed

Home    /    Hair    /    Life in a Blog    /    Store    /    Contact    /    Reviews

© 2013 - 2019 Eugene Does - All Rights Reserved.
Website by AngeeBees.

Picture
Proudly powered by Weebly