Recently more and more individuals are opening up about their sexuality and gender identity. With that more and more questions are brought up in the world of dating. Dating can be tricky. Knowing when to say that you are bisexual is even more complex. Sometimes I have chosen to do that right away, others after a few dates. The response is never the same. I have been met with wide acceptance from some while others just say I am selfish or just don't want to dedicate to the gay lifestyle. So, that being the case I wanted to share some of my past experiences.
One point that I have heard repeatedly is how the world of bisexuality seems to affect the males’ way differently than females. Several of my guy friends who have had homosexual experiences and relationships are often hesitant to, if at all, tell their female partner. If this was your situation, what would you share and when? What must be shared? What if it was only a kiss? What if it wasn't anything long term? Is full disclosure really needed? Is omission a lie? What if the guy really has no more interest in men and wants to have the traditional marriage? So often though people will say that men can't be bisexual, that they are just gay men who don't want to come out all the way. There are times to the female partner isn't too receptive and the relationship ends shortly after any type of open dialogue about past sexual ventures. Very seldom though, if the female has had some bi experience she is more accepting. Most people don't want to lie in a relationship but when is honesty not the best policy? Does one's sexual trysts need to be fully disclosed? It gets even more complicated when a bi male dates a gay male who has never had any heterosexual experience and can't relate at all. Sometimes there is a mistrust that has no foundation or reason. There is something that drives a wedge between two people when one cannot relate to the others' desires. I have dated gay men that have never even kissed a girl. They will sometimes use that against me, like I am not as dedicated to the relationship since my past covers a wider spectrum. I am now seeing that this is changing with the younger generation. Younger people aren't so quick to be put or put others in a box. I have recently dated younger guys who don't even consider themselves bi as much as they just don't want a label but just want to love. They don't even bring up pasts experiences but would rather just enjoy what is currently happening between us. Personally, I am finding it easier to connect with other bisexual men or those who might consider themselves fluid.
Of course, this changes as we move on to the other sex. On the flip of this is when a female has a bi experience others are quick to call it a phase. Do you know a friend that maybe even had a girlfriend all through college but after got married to a man and lived happily ever after? I know several and yet nobody seems to have a problem with it. There is very little accusation of her not being true to herself or just not wanting to commit to a certain lifestyle. Now I know a few friends that have never told their man about their bi life and really don't ever feel that it should be discussed being that they have agreed not to bring up each other’s sexual conquests.
Where do we draw the line of what has to be told in a relationship? I don't want to lie to my partner but unless something I've done in the past has any potential harm to them, should it really be a topic of conversation? If you do want to be honest, when is the right time? How far do you let the relationship go before saying anything? How many people lie about the number of partners they have had? Others will lie about how old they are when they had their first experience or who that was with. As more and more are living their truth, others will have to learn what that means to them and their potential partners. How much of somebody’s past will you let really affect your relationship? Would you carry on a long-term relationship with an openly bisexual partner? When would you want to know about their past? What are some of your general standards for dating? Let us know.
One point that I have heard repeatedly is how the world of bisexuality seems to affect the males’ way differently than females. Several of my guy friends who have had homosexual experiences and relationships are often hesitant to, if at all, tell their female partner. If this was your situation, what would you share and when? What must be shared? What if it was only a kiss? What if it wasn't anything long term? Is full disclosure really needed? Is omission a lie? What if the guy really has no more interest in men and wants to have the traditional marriage? So often though people will say that men can't be bisexual, that they are just gay men who don't want to come out all the way. There are times to the female partner isn't too receptive and the relationship ends shortly after any type of open dialogue about past sexual ventures. Very seldom though, if the female has had some bi experience she is more accepting. Most people don't want to lie in a relationship but when is honesty not the best policy? Does one's sexual trysts need to be fully disclosed? It gets even more complicated when a bi male dates a gay male who has never had any heterosexual experience and can't relate at all. Sometimes there is a mistrust that has no foundation or reason. There is something that drives a wedge between two people when one cannot relate to the others' desires. I have dated gay men that have never even kissed a girl. They will sometimes use that against me, like I am not as dedicated to the relationship since my past covers a wider spectrum. I am now seeing that this is changing with the younger generation. Younger people aren't so quick to be put or put others in a box. I have recently dated younger guys who don't even consider themselves bi as much as they just don't want a label but just want to love. They don't even bring up pasts experiences but would rather just enjoy what is currently happening between us. Personally, I am finding it easier to connect with other bisexual men or those who might consider themselves fluid.
Of course, this changes as we move on to the other sex. On the flip of this is when a female has a bi experience others are quick to call it a phase. Do you know a friend that maybe even had a girlfriend all through college but after got married to a man and lived happily ever after? I know several and yet nobody seems to have a problem with it. There is very little accusation of her not being true to herself or just not wanting to commit to a certain lifestyle. Now I know a few friends that have never told their man about their bi life and really don't ever feel that it should be discussed being that they have agreed not to bring up each other’s sexual conquests.
Where do we draw the line of what has to be told in a relationship? I don't want to lie to my partner but unless something I've done in the past has any potential harm to them, should it really be a topic of conversation? If you do want to be honest, when is the right time? How far do you let the relationship go before saying anything? How many people lie about the number of partners they have had? Others will lie about how old they are when they had their first experience or who that was with. As more and more are living their truth, others will have to learn what that means to them and their potential partners. How much of somebody’s past will you let really affect your relationship? Would you carry on a long-term relationship with an openly bisexual partner? When would you want to know about their past? What are some of your general standards for dating? Let us know.
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